I met J six years ago through some other friends I used to hang out with in my old neighborhood. And we became very good friends until he went and did something stupid with his friends and got arrested. We lost contact and after a few years I kinda forgot about him until a few months ago when i suddenly saw him on-line on msn. Turns out he is still detained in juvie and he was on parole when we spoke. I promised him I would pay him a visit, since nobody except for a few of his family members and his only friend visited him sometimes. After visiting him he started calling me everyday and at first it was fun and then suddenly he confessed to me. Not being interested in a new relationship right now I told him I’d rather be friends. At first I thought he understood until suddenly he started calling himself my boyfriend, then we kinda lost contact again. I stopped taking his calls since he didn’t respect my decision…
And then today a package came for me. I wasn’t expecting anything since I received everything I ordered already, so I was quite surprised when I opened it and saw the valentine related contents.

I’m not gonna lie. I love presents so it really brightened my day and I got the cutest things. I took some pictures to show…

Ik hou van je means I love you in dutch.

A really cute necklace, some earrings and my new fav pen

I’m addicted to sweets and chocolate so this is a mayjah win & the hair accessories are really cute 

The whole box with all the contents. There are a lot of other stuff but I’m just to lazy to take more pictures. I also got this really great coupon for a collage. Once I get back from hong kong I’m going to order the collage with the pictures I took there..

I’m really grateful he thought about me and send me this awesome gift and I already called him up to say thanks. But I feel really bad. I’m not able to return his feelings and I kind of have this feeling that he send me this as a bribe.. But I’m going to pay him a visit next month to clear everything up..

In two weeks I’ll be on a lane to Hong Kong. I still can’t believe it. I’m so afraid of heights and flying, but it still hasn’t really sunk in. I guess the panicking will start once we have to board the plane.

The past few weeks I’ve been running around getting all the stuff I need. Bought some new clothes, shoes and accessories and a lot of other junk I probable won’t take with me, but hey I’m a girl We love shopping.
Next Tuesday I have to get my new passport and after that there is nothing standing in my way to leave this godforsaken place for two weeks.. Here are some pictures of the stuff I bought..

I went to the doctor today for my insomnia problem. I got sleeping pills, and now I’m waiting to get my money so i can pay for them and go home. Sleeping pills, diazepam and temazepam are not covered by our insurance here and it kinda sucks a little. Because now I’m at my dads house waiting and I’m dead tired. But I’m finally able to sleep normally again with these pills so I’m quite happy.

Also it’s my mothers birthday today. The most lovely woman in the world turned 49 years old today Can’t wait to get home and give her a big big hug and tell her how much I love her and also make some of her favorite snacks for the party tonight.

Oh and I did some shoping. I bought a new digital camera. IT’s not the Nikon i wanted, but it’s a great camera to take some pictures in hong kong with. It’s got 16mp, 5x zoom, hd recording and so on. I also bought another Xbox 360 controller (huge game freak ) and an HDMI cable to connect my laptop screen to my xbox that way i can lay in my bed and play instead of sitting up the whole time and watch the damn small screen of my little tv l. I’m playing Naruto right now and Skyrim, awesome games ♥

I also bought some really cute tops and the cutest sandals and wedges I have ever seen in Holland lol, I’m going to take pictures once I get home. And also a lot of nail polish and this one oil thingie that looks like nail polish but it actually dries your nails in 10 seconds. I swear by it, it’s FFing AMAZING!!

For about two weeks now I can’t sleep unless I’ve reached a point where my body is dying for some rest and I can’t keep my eyes open anymore, that is after approximately 2 days without sleep.

I have tried diazepam yesterday after reaching my breaking point. It didn’t help me at all. Just a few moments ago I took diazepam with temazepam, I’m till waiting for the effects to kick in. This is really frustrating. The daizepam is supposed to calm me, instead I’m crying out of frustration. I need my sleep, my body is tired but no matter how long i keep my eyes closed nothing happens.

Everybody dreams about starting over at one point in their lives. This as a result of finding a new love, losing someone, a new job opportunity, or making wrong choices affecting their own lives and the lives of others.

I’ve made a lot of wrong choices in my life and a lot of pain was caused to my family and myself in consequence of my actions. I can’t say that I’m proud of that, in fact I’m downright miserable because of it. My studies are going downhill, I can never manage to hold a job for a period longer then a year, my love life is in shambles, fake friends, i can go on like this for ages.. I guess it’s safe to say that I’ve finally had it.

The thought of starting over elsewhere has been spooking through my head for quite some time now. And I’ve decided to finally act on it and decided to start traveling in order to find a place to settle.
My mother and I talked about it since she also wants to move to another country in order to build up a new life with her new boyfriend. She wanted me to come with her to Belgium(our neighbor country). Even though I want to go I don’t feel like it’s the right decision. She wants to get married and start a new with him, as another adult I don’t belong in that picture. I should be living on my own and taking care of myself. She’s been taking care of me for the past twenty-two years, she’s done enough. Right now she deserves her happiness.

I haven’t talked about this yet with my two best friends. I’ve known them for years and they are part of the reason I do not want to leave Holland yet. Sure we joked a little about moving to Canada a few weeks ago and even though deep down I know we all want the same thing, we have each other and family keeping us here. No one wants to break away knowing theres a chance that after a while it’s clear that choosing to leave was the wrong choice.

I’ve also been really down these past few days. My niece has a condition where her bones aren’t that strong and they bones in her legs are fractured. She has a hard time walking. And it really hurts me you know, she’s just a child. What could she have possibly done to deserve to suffer like this at such a young age?
The real problem is that my sister cannot work yet because she doesn’t have the right papers. My sister moved back to the Caribbean a few years ago but she and the kids were still registered at my fathers house. He decided to undo that because nobody liked his “girlfriend” and the papers he received with the information my sister needed to start working in the Caribbean are lost. And after we asked him to give us the papers or let us search for it he started pointing fingers and blamed us for the whole thing. I mean his granddaughter has a chance she might never walk again and the only thing he did was put the blame on us, while what he did he did it out of spite…

I’m done with all this shit. Thank god there is another way for her to get the papers by requesting them again. But thats going to take about 2 months. it’s a really long time. She should have never moved away from here. If she had decided to stay, even though the kids didn’t have health care they would have still been helped.

And thats my dilemma. I can’t move away to find myself thinking about how it would have been if i stayed. Sometimes we’ve got to take risks, but is it worth it losing everything you got?

I´m going to spare everyone the crap about new year and new beginnings. There are always new opportunities whether it´s 2011 or 2012.

On an other note. I meant to make a post last month but i´ve been so busy i totally forgot. I´m finally twenty-two years old. My birthday was on December 27th. I was supposed to go eat at shizo with my friends instead my best friends threw a party for me. I went there on the 2nd day of Christmas and we had dinner together and gave each other presents. And then 12am it was my birthday and then people started coming and we had a great night actually.

People were so drunk they even decorated the xmas tree with beer bottles and such it was fun. I don’t have the pictures and videos yet to show, my friend jane still has to send them to me, but i+m going to dedicate my next post to my bday bash pictures.

I also spend new years with one of my best friends and her boyfriend. It was actually great. First we went to amsterdam west to meet some friends. We lit some firework there and had some drinks and then e met up with some other friends and walked to museumplein (museum court) for the count down. You can compare it to the countdown on Times square. There were like thousands of people there a lot of police, so we got quite scared since my friends had illegal fireworks lol but it was quite fun. I had to run a lot. They were high on extacy so sometimes they were a bit reckless with the fireworks, but fortunately nobody got arrested.

After that we made our way to Leidseplein. it’s the part of amsterdam where you find all the clubs and bars and such. We hung out there for a while met up with some more people and then headed to Alexé’s house for the new years party.

He threw his party in the basement and everyone could just walk in. it didn’t matter whether he knew you or not.. At first i was kinda pissed, everyone took drugs and i wasn’t on the same level so i didn’t really feel comfortable but after a while and a few drinks i was totally part of the scene.

I heard this ffing great dubstep song. It starts with alot of base and then you hear this jamaican dude rapping or something. Nobody knew which song it was lol.. anyway let me shorten this because i have to study, BIG math test tomorrow and i really have to get a good grade otherwise i’m f’ed).

So this weird guy entered the basement and came straight up to me. So I was like “hell yeah, come party with us”. So everything was okay until he sat next to me and started hugging me and such. I don’t like strangers in my personal space. So i pushed him away and went to put up another song and he kept bothering me. So the host and a friend came up to me and asked me if he should leave. I said no just keep him away from me. so then he started bothering my friend, and her boyfriend went crazy. Before i know i had beer thrown all over me and my friends boyfriend was beating the guy. I understand his anger, though they could have just escorted him out you know, no need for violence.

Then we went home in the morning and did nothing the rest of the day. Everybody was mad tired. But overall i had a great night it was fun, i laughed a lot and I was really happy that this year i did spend it with my friends.

And now school has started again so i’m going to be quite the busy bee. oh and in 1 month and 8 day’s i’ll be in HONG KONG!!

The funniest thing happened to me today So I got approached by this guy today and i thought he must have been around my age. My jaw dropped when he told me he was 15 years old and approached me thinking I was 14.

My jaw dropped so far down it hit the concrete. I was so speechless haha. After regaining my ability to speak I told him my real age and that I’m quite flattered but he’s too young to hit on me.

His response was and i quote: “Love knows no boundaries”. lol.. and then he proceeded by telling me that he would fight for me… the cutest little thing I’ve ever heard a 15 year old boy say..

Now I’m quite flattered, nobody thought i looked like a 14 year old since i was actually 14 years old. But yeah it would never happen XD

And due to a faulty student chip-card(chip card enables me to travel for free with public transport during weekdays) I cannot go to school. I’m located in another city right now and my school is in Amsterdam. I have to travel every single day and without my student chip-card I have to pay around €20-, everyday on train tickets.

I don’t have that kind of money and I missed 1,5 weeks already so i just whats-apped my dad and asked him if i could stay with him for a few weeks until i get my new card. Fortunately he said yes so tomorrow morning i’ll be leaving for Amsterdam.

My sister and I booked a vacation to Honk Kong in februari. We’re leaving on the 19th and return on 2nd of march. I really can’t wait to go on vacation. I mean Hong Kong, I wanted to see that palce for ages..

Since i’ve been young i’ve had a fear of heights and flying. Ever since I had a choice I decided to stay put in holland when my family went on vacation overseas. I’ve seen european countries only with the exception of my birthland. A beautiful island in the caribbean.
I always had the feeling that once i step into a plane, that’ll be my last day! But now it’s time to move past that or else I won’t be able to enjoy life the way i want to…

So yeah HONG KONG I seriously can’t wait!
We have booked the most beautiful hotel I have ever seen. The rooms are gigantic, the place looks like a modern castle and i’m the princess! hahaha Here a few pictures from the place.
It’s called the Royal View Hotel (I guess because the view is breath takingly beautiful!

Isn’t it beautiful?? I’m going to take loads of pictures when i’m there. Just two more months and i’ll be on the plane to hong kong

Hi honey buns!! I’m ready to join the blogging community again after a very very long hiatus since May.. I had a lot of stuff to do and I also met a guy with a very weird and crazy ex girlfriend(will tell about it in one of my next posts). But long story short.. In the past few months I laughed, got sad, cried, got mad and the main thing I was dealing with turned out in a DISASTER!!

I also decided to start a new with this blog. I had to update to a newer version of php in order to upgrade to the latest wordpress version. I did make an export file though but lost all my images in the process, so when i placed back all the posts, they looked quite disastreous. And i did make a database back-up which i deleted afterwards without realizing But i don’t mind anyway since i’m planning on blogging more often from now on.

Anyway going to bloghop a little now ♥